Monday, January 24, 2011
Bit of a bind
I mentioned something at the start of this year about how 2010 sucked, on a personal and a professional level. I'm now at a point where things could go either way, in both my personal and professional life, and I need to make a major decision.
Everybody around me says that I should do what makes me happy. But a huge part of what makes me happy is...making those around me happy. And when some people want me to do one thing, and other people want me to do the other, well...and that's not even approaching the real source of my angst: my parents.
A huge part of--if not the entirety of--who I am is invested in what my parents have decided I should be. An equally huge part of who I am is invested in rebelling against their strictures--a typical response, I would argue, to any rules maniacally applied. My quandary, then, is whether I am basing the decision not on what I want to do, but on how much it'll piss them off.
It doesn't get easier to dissect myself of my past, even if I am 3000 miles away and immersed in a different culture. If anything, it only gets harder, because when you're so far away from where you came from, who you are--that odd composition of your experiences and feelings a lifetime ago--is the only determinant of where you're going.